i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If I die, sorry about rent.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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