They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
