I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
