I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
