dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
