Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
