Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
