Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
