Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
