Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize