Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
