Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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