YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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