just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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