If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize