dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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