do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize