Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
