I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Your cock deserves a montage
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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