Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
