So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Im part way to drunk.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
