The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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