I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize