watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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