He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
