If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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