Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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