guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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