Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you didnt know i had herpes?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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