i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
