Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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