Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
