i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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