OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
