in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The adults are the big ones right?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize