dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I love you.
Bad choice
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