oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
