my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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