Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
