Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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