No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
