I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
