So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
