Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
