I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
420 ftw
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
