I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
