He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
