PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize