So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
