He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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