with your own penis?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
