Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
