I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
