I heard we made out
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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