why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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