No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
