The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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