He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
