i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize