so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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