The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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