My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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