the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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