I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
