I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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