I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
