This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
