update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
