he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
