Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
