There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
