I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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