just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i've created a new STD.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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