i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
