and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
