a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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