I'm lost and stupid without you.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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