it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize