Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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