I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
