Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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