how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
