Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She told me I should be a condom model.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
